The Common Touch
by warmsugar
Summary: Haruhi slowly drives Hikaru insane with her snippets of commoner wisdom.
1. Train

**The Common Touch**

**by warmsugar**

A rough jab to his left side woke him from the depths of a peaceful slumber. Hikaru reluctantly opened an eye and trained his bleary gaze on the unwanted and annoying presence.

Increasingly gaining focus, he realized that the small dark shape that had roused him from sleep was none other than one Fujioka Haruhi.

"Ohayo gozaimasu Hikaru!" she chirped cheerily, "It's time to get up."

Despite his state of semi-consciousness, he was aware enough to take note that it was barely even daylight. Hikaru shot a quick glance at his bedside table. The digital clock read 5:00am. His brows drew together in a dark scowl.

"What in kami's name are you doing here, Haruhi?" he rumbled groggily, his voice still hoarse from the rude awakening. "The sun hasn't even risen."

He was definitely going to kill whoever it was that allowed her inside his room. In fact, the idea of torturing said person was becoming more and more appealing to him as each second passed. "Who let you in here anyway?" he grouched.

Unperturbed by his gruff voice, Haruhi gave him a bright smile and said, "Have you forgotten? We're supposed to go to Karuizawa today!" she reminded him cheerfully. "And as for your question, it was Kaoru."

I should have known, he thought irritably. "Go away Haruhi," he muttered, turning his back on the bright-eyed girl.

Unbidden, Haruhi sat at the edge of his bed and started giving him quick pokes. "Come on Hikaru, you have to wake up! We'll miss our train if you don't start moving soon."

Hikaru sat up and glared daggers at her. "What are you babbling about?" he snapped irately, "Besides, who gets up at 5:00am anyway? Go back to sleep Haruhi and wake me up at 10:00am if you must!" With that said, he dove back under the covers and raised them over his head, effectively ending their conversation.

He had hardly closed his eyes when he felt a soft body wiggling next to him. He sighed heavily, couldn't she take a hint? Obviously not, what was he thinking? This was Haruhi after all. Hikaru slowly raised heavy lids and found himself looking into unblinking chocolate orbs.

"What is it now, Haruhi?" he asked in resignation.

"Hikaru," she pleaded softly, "Please get dressed. I've already mapped out our itinerary and my plans will be ruined if you don't get a move on."

Plans? What was she talking about he wondered in consternation. He knew they were visiting Misuzu-san today but other than that… No, wait. He dimly recalled her mentioning something about a train…

He stared at her interestedly, "Hmmnnn… now what plans might those be?" he inquired silkily.

Delighted to see that he had finally started listening to her, Haruhi failed to catch the sly edge to Hikaru's words.

"Well, the train leaves at 6:00am, Hikaru," she explained patiently. "And between stops and transfers, it'll take us about four to five hours to get to Karuizawa. I promised Misuzu-san that we'd be there for lunch." She said with a slight grin.

"And the next train bound for Karuizawa is scheduled to leave at 9:00am, so really, we can't miss our ride."

If he weren't so irritated, he'd have started rolling around the bed in raucous laughter. Hikaru smiled at her evilly, "That's a great plan Haruhi," he murmured solicitously. "Except for a slight hiccup, probably a minor miscalculation on you part." He assured her smoothly.

"Eh, nani?" Haruhi asked in confusion.

Hikaru shifted a bit, his face a mere inch away from her ears. Leaning closer, he could feel the delectable softness of her earlobe brushing against his lips.

"I'm a Hitachiin Haruhi," he whispered, "and Hitachiin's don't ride trains!" he ended with a flourish, smirking at her startled expression.

"We have private planes you know," he chided reprovingly. "Or we can even use tono's chopper if none of the jets are available."

Hikaru yawned expansively, "It'll take less than an hour to get to Karuizawa by air, so quit your nagging. We'll get there on time."

Hikaru shoved the blanket down to his middle, and buried his face in the softness of the goose-down pillow. "Now, if you don't mind," he declared dismissively, "I'd like to catch a little more snooze-time."

He could feel Haruhi moving restlessly beside him, all the while mumbling her usual string of curses, directed at their golden heads of course. He smiled drowsily.

It was the last thing he heard before he drifted back to sleep.

* * *

**_A/N:_**

**_Ohayo gozaimasu - Hello (good morning)_**

**_Tono - Lord/ Milord_**

**_Nani - What?_**


	2. Raincoat

He stared at her, mouth agape. "What is that _thing_?" he inquired in a horrified tone.

Haruhi looked at him directly, completely ignoring his question. She continued what she was doing in an unhurried manner.

"It's a raincoat," she answered serenely, not in the least bit disturbed by his squawking.

Hikaru persevered. "Really Haruhi, you aren't seriously considering going out in public wearing that, are you?" He eyed the limp package in her hands warily, every inch of his fashion-conscious self wanted to run around screaming at the sheer ugliness of it.

"And why not Hikaru?" Haruhi asked interestedly, "It's a perfectly good raincoat."

"Bbb… bbb... but it's hideous!" Hikaru blurted out tactlessly. In fairness, it really was. Clearly made of thin plastic, and it was an appalling shade of indescribable. Not to mention, it had thousands of freaky looking bunnies printed all over it.

Haruhi glanced down at the item in question, then shrugged indifferently. "So what?" she murmured coolly. "It keeps me dry, like it's supposed to," she pointed out reasonably. "I fail to see what your problem is Hikaru."

Hikaru glowered at her fiercely. "Are you crazy?" he demanded incredulously. "That it's ugly as hell is reason enough!"

He shook his head in frustration. "Couldn't you have chosen a solid-colored one? Or at least, one that won't blind anyone who looks at it." He muttered unpleasantly.

"It was…" she replied, her voice muffled by the garment she was carefully pulling over her head.

"Eh, what did you say?" Hikaru asked in obvious irritation.

"I said," she repeated, smoothing down the coat she had just donned, "it was on sale, Hikaru."

"Whaaaaaaaat?! You _actually_ _paid good money_ for that ridiculous piece of crap?" He shouted in disbelief. He started shaking her roughly. "I wouldn't accept that thing _even_ if you paid me to! What the hell's wrong with you?"

Haruhi deliberately removed Hikaru's hands from her shoulders and shot back, "That's right Hikaru, **I **paid for it, not you."

"Besides," she stated calmly, "It was on sale AND came with a free carrying pouch." She held her palms up and smiled at him innocently, "It would have been a waste not to snap up such a good deal."

Haruhi quickly flipped the hood over her head and picked up her bag. "Anyway, the rain's let up a bit so I'll be going Hikaru," she declared. "See you tomorrow. Ja!"

Hikaru stared after her rapidly retreating form in a daze. He'd never understand her. Sighing in defeat, he smiled wryly. As much as he hated to admit it, clad in the neon pink monstrosity, Haruhi was definitely a splash of brightness in the gloomy weather.


	3. Recycle

Kaoru was carelessly ripping up tissue paper and paper bags in his eagerness to get at the goodies they had bought earlier on.

He was casually sifting through the numerous bags strewn across the hardwood floor. Hikaru was sure he had grabbed a new pair of headphones and was diligently searching for them amidst the various items they had purchased.

His eyes were drawn to the farthest corner of the room, where Haruhi was seated Indian-style, bent at the waist and quietly working on something. Intrigued, he moved stealthily towards her, to see what she was up to.

"Ha-ru-hi!" he sang merrily into her ear. "Whatcha doin'?" he asked nosily, snaking an arm around her waist.

He peered over her shoulders and looked at the stuff she had on her lap. Hikaru guessed that she was admiring the clothes they had forced on her. He was disappointed to discover that she merely had a plain plastic bag in hand.

"Yech, what are you doing Haruhi?" he mumbled questioningly, tilting his head to indicate the small pile of neatly folded bags beside her.

Haruhi glanced down at her lap, then burst out laughing at the look of confusion and mild disgust on his face.

"What does it look like?" she teased, oddly delighted by this unexpected chance to confound the red-haired devil.

"You're folding up used shopping bags," he observed dryly. "Whatever for Haruhi? Just throw them into the trash, no need to be so OC about it."

"I'm not throwing these away, Hikaru," she replied succinctly. "I'm taking them home with me."

"Why?" he inquired, clearly confused by her answer.

"Oh, didn't you know?" she asked wide-eyed. "I recycle old shopping bags and use them to line our garbage cans at home. It makes cleaning up and taking out the trash so much easier." She explained, looking at him rather strangely.

Like I would know that, he thought to himself sourly. "Geez Haruhi, what makes you think I'd know such a lame thing like that?" He complained petulantly.

"And isn't it easier to just _buy_ trash bags?" he pointed out sensibly. "Even I know that you can buy those things at a supermarket," he ended with a triumphant smirk.

She stared at him in surprise and calmly murmured, "Now why would I want to do that Hikaru? When these," she pointed at the pile beside her, "will do just as well? This way, I don't have to spend needlessly."

"Haruhi!" Kaoru shouted from the other end of the room. "I've saved my wrappers for you!" he said grinning and waving his arms excitedly.

"Hmmnn…" she quickly disentangled herself from Hikaru's grasp and murmured distractedly to herself, "Really, why in the world would I want to spend on something as trivial as a trash bag?"

She stood up and started walking in Kaoru's direction. She smiled at the other Hitachiin and said, "Thanks Kao! You'll help me fold them as usual right?"

Hikaru watched as Haruhi chatted happily away with his twin. The idiot was beaming widely, and he blinked. Did Kaoru just stick his tongue out at him?

He slumped wearily against the wall. For a commoner, she sure lacked common sense he thought uncharitably, sticking his tongue out at his other half, just for the hell of it.


	4. Fruit Tarts

"Why do you do that?" He asked curiously, his chin negligently resting upon interlocked fingers.

Should she take the cream too? Although no one took cream at home since her dad preferred his coffee black and personally, she liked milk better. "Eh?" Haruhi replied rather distractedly.

"That," he said, gesturing at her lap. Packets of jam and other condiments were peeking out from her gaping bag.

Haruhi started and glanced down in surprise. Her face grew warm as a flush started creeping up her neck.

"Oh," she muttered rather sheepishly. "This?"

Hikaru shot her an amused look, "Hai Haruhi, that" he asserted dryly, lips quirking slightly at the corners.

He was extremely interested to find out what reason she'd give him this time. Haruhi's little bits of commoner wisdom were a veritable fount of entertainment for him and his reprobate brother.

Hikaru smiled at the thought.

"We come here for breakfast at least three times a week, and each time, you do the same thing." Hikaru leaned back against the plush leather and stared at her pointedly.

"So what gives?" he demanded abruptly.

Haruhi stared at him and shrugged her shoulders. "Fruit tarts…" she murmured under her breath.

Hikaru's eyes bugged out and his jaw practically dropped to the floor. "Fruit tarts?" he repeated dumbly.

"Hai," she affirmed blandly. Haruhi didn't have the foggiest notion why he was pestering her over such a trivial thing, not that she particularly cared either way.

Hmmnnn… it was decided. She would take the cream too, she'd figure out some use for it one of these days.

"But why?" he blurted out in consternation.

"Eh?" Haruhi asked with a distracted air. She looked up at him blankly, not really knowing what he was yapping about. She had stopped listening at fruit tarts….

Hikaru gave an exaggerated groan and glared at the petite brunette seated in front of him.

She stared politely back at him.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhh!" he shouted in frustration.

Not in the least bit disturbed by Hikaru's outburst, Haruhi merely raised a brow and inquired, "What is your problem, Hikaru?"

He shot her a disgruntled look and muttered, "You, you're driving me crazy!"

"Nani? What did I do?" Haruhi asked innocently.

Hikaru resisted the urge to bang his head on the table. This was definitely one of the downsides of having a girlfriend who was as obtuse as a rock.

He mentally counted to ten and managed to grit out through clenched teeth, "We're going around in circles Haruhi! I just wanted to know what it is you do with all the jam and stuff you keep taking home from here!"

He glowered at her in an accusatory manner. "Or is this some evil plot of yours to drive me insane?" Hikaru muttered suspiciously.

Haruhi gave him a withering look. "You're being paranoid. If you must know, I use the sugar and jam to make those fruit tarts you like so much," she explained patiently, just to shut him up.

She went on to continue, "But since the packets are so small, I need to gather quite a few of them before I can drum up a batch."

That done, she frowned at him in annoyance. "Why are we even talking about this anyway?"

"I just wanted to know why you kept swiping the stuff on the table," Hikaru whispered to himself, totally defeated by her mind-boggling logic.

Haruhi heard his mumbled reply and hid a smile. She leveled her gaze at him and evenly stated. "Ano, all you had to do was ask." **x owari x**

**x omake x**

He shot out of his chair like lightning.

Haruhi glanced up at him questioningly.

"Excuse me while I go bang my head on the nearest hard surface," Hikaru replied as pleasantly as he could.

Then he proceeded to do exactly that…

* * *

_**A/N:**_

_**Hai - Yes**_

_**Nani - What**_

_**Ano - expression "Um" (something like that. :D)**_

_**Owari - "The End"**_

_**Omake - Bonus or extra**_


End file.
